just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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