I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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