im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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