The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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