It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize