If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
