Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
