It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
