i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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