Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
pop tarts are not kleenex
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
