walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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