dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
