I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
