I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
