I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
