i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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