we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
