I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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