i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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