my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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