hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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