dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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