How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
