mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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