Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
