You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
