someone owes me an orgasm
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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