Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
barbara walters just said penis...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
