I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
