the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
