You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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