the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Randomize
