Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
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