Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
