I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
