My hand turned me down
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
