Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
