I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
