Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
