pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
