No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
