That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
