I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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