he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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