he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
