At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
