you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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