So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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