he puts the penis in happiness.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We just shotgunned beers for America
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
