fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
