Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it's great music for shaving your balls
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
