The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
