Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
