The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
