I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
