So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
