At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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