There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
