I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
