I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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