Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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