Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
