i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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