i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
