just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I didn't notice because vodka
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
