What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
