Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
