he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
