dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize